


Already Gone

by JenChaseTP



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, One Shot, Post Movie, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 19:39:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenChaseTP/pseuds/JenChaseTP
Summary: Remember all the things we wantedNow all our memories, they're hauntedWe were always meant to say goodbye





	Already Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Came up with this one-shot idea while listening to Sleeping At Last's cover of "Already Gone". It's been a while since I've written something, especially in English. Forgive me for any mistakes, I haven't reread/ edited this, cause I don't ever wanna read or think about it again. The only satisfying thing about this is that it's exactly 1000 words. (Edit: I had to add a sentence afterwards and now not even this is true.)  
> Have fun reading, I guess.  
> Also, happy 4 year Anniversary, Carmilla!
> 
> (Lyrics are in italics)

_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye_

Did you know there was a time I thought you weren’t real? That you were just some dream, a figure my consciousness came up with, or maybe my mother to torture me even more than just by locking me into a coffin. There was a time I believed I didn’t deserve to be with you. There was a time I didn’t deserve you. Back when I was still a monster. I know you don’t like me using that word, but we both know that’s what I was.

 

_Even with our fists held high_

_It never would have worked out right_

_We were never meant for do or die_

 

You saw right past me back then. You ignored all the warnings and believed in the person I was to become because of you. And against all odds I became that person, a better, maybe even a good person, all because of you. I still didn’t believe that I was good enough for you though. You were so young and naïve, so incredible headstrong and stubborn, entirely too trusting and so, so good.

 

_I didn't want us to burn out_

_I didn't come here to hurt you now_

_I can't stop_

 

I thought I might be strong enough, selfless enough to let you go, to not ruin you the way I had ruined every good thing I had ever come across. But you didn’t let me. You loved me regardless of my past mistakes and showed me how good we could be together.

 

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter_

_Where we take this road, but someone's gotta go_

 

I didn’t believe that we could work out until you died, I became human and you came back to me. It took surviving the apocalypse for me to realize that we were meant to be. I mean, what bigger sign could the universe possibly throw at me than us defeating my mother together? We won against a goddess. You saved the world with a hug.

 

_And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better_

_But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone_

 

The five years I got to be human with you were the best years of my entire existence. I need you to know that. No words could describe how sorry I am that I had to give up my life; that we lost our future together.

 

_Looking at you makes it harder_

_But I know that you'll find another_

_That doesn't always make you wanna cry_

 

You’re sleeping right now. You look so peaceful. Your face isn’t wrinkled up because you don’t have to worry about my life, about our future together while you’re sleeping. You get to relax, and you get to dream, hopefully about happier times.

God, you’re so beautiful.

 

_It started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in_

_Perfect couldn't keep this love alive_

 

I know we both agreed to keep going. That it wouldn’t matter that I’m back to being a vampire.

 

_You know that I love you so_

_I love you enough to let you go_

 

I’m sorry Laura, but I can’t keep going like this. It’s been a year now since I became immortal again. A year of both of us hurting because we both know how this is going to end. I see it in your eyes when you’re looking at me. Not angry but devastated, since no one knows if what I had to do could in some way be reversed.

 

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter_

_Where we take this road, but someone's gotta go_

_And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better_

 

But let’s be honest. We both know there’s no way for me to be human again. We both know that now I’m a vampire for good.

 

_But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone_

_So I'm already gone_

 

We both know I will be frozen in time while you grow old, just like you should. We both know that one day, you’ll be gone while I’m still the exact same. Or at least I will look the same.

 

_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye_

 

I don’t think I’ll ever be the same without you.

I love you so much, Laura.

I have watched you die once before. I know I won’t be able to do it again. 

 

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter_

_Where we take this road, but someone's gotta go_

_And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better_

 

It’s killing me to see you hurting every single day. To watch you build up hope whenever someone comes up with another potential way to turn me into a mortal again, only for you to be crushed when we eventually must find out that it doesn’t work. That it will never work.

 

_But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone_

_I'm already gone_

 

I am sorry, Laura, but I can’t do this to you anymore. One day one of us will have to leave the other, you know that. It has to be me Laura and it has to be now. You can’t keep pausing your life to figure out how to bring back mine. We both need to understand that this simply wasn’t meant to be, as painful as it is. It will be ultimately worse if we keep trying to act as if everything will turn out right in the end. I love you too much to be this burden to you. I hope you’ll understand. If not now, then one day. I hope that one day, you will move on.

 

_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye_

 

Forgive me, my love, for I am already gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics by Kelly Clarkson


End file.
